trying to meditate with attachment to this life

not being free for meditation

If you have attachment to this life and if you meditate, even though you are somewhere very very quite, isolated, doing retreat, in reality you have ???. ??? means you are busy, you have engagement. Because you are engaged with, because you have attachment to this life. So you are busy, you are occupied, you are not free basically.
Such kind of meditation will just cause arrogance, so that condemning or criticizing those who doing the hearing and contemplation. Such kind of meditation will just create envy and jealousy towards those who also meditate. Such kind of meditation even though it is labelled as a meditation it is nothing more than a subtle or a big distraction. It is basically a distraction.

Parting from the four attachments, Nepal June 2009
(->videos on youtube)